Johnny English (Rowan Atkinson) is learning martial arts in Tibet as penance for an earlier disastrous mission in Mozambique. His Tibetan guru and mentor, Ting Wang, is actually an MI7 sleeper agent: their employers have requested Johnny's services.
Johnny returns MI7's London headquarters (now Toshiba British Intelligence) and is assigned by new boss "Pegasus" (Gillian Anderson) to stop a plot to assassinate the Chinese premier during scheduled talks with the Prime Minister. Johnny also meets with friend and fellow agent Simon Ambrose (codenamed "Agent One") and MI7's resident inventor, Patch Quartermain. He is also assigned a junior agent, Tucker, to accompany him.
In Macau, his Chinese contact is murdered in a casino, but English discovers a poker chip in the man's hand with the address of ex-CIA agent Fisher (Richard Schiff) in Hong Kong. Fisher reveals that he is a member of 'Vortex', a secret cabal of assassins, who also sabotaged his mission in Mozambique. Vortex's power lies in a secret assassination weapon which require three metal keys to unlock, of whom Fisher has one. Fisher is killed by an assassin, (Pik-Sen Lim), dressed as a cleaner, but English manages to chase down and incapacitate the killer accomplice and recover the key. While bragging with Tucker about the success of his mission on a flight back to London, the key is stolen by a member of vortex disguised as a steward. English is humiliated in front of the Foreign Secretary and Pegasus at the latter's estate when it is discovered that the case is empty. English proceeds to assault Pegasus's mother twice, both times mistaking her for the killer cleaner.
Kate Sumner (Rosamund Pike), MI7's behavioral psychologist engages in an "off-hours" session with English, prompting him to recall the previous events of his failed mission in Moazambique and recall the identity of the second member of Vortex as a result, Karlenko (Mark Ivanir), a Russian agent. A golf match is arranged between Karlenko and English, whose unsubtle attempts to elicit information from Karlenko cause him to order English's death. However, Karlenko is critically injured by the cleaner lady assassin. English and Tucker hijack Karlenko's private helicopter, but he succumbs to his wounds, though not before revealing that Vortex's last agent is a member of MI7.
In a meeting at M17, Ambrose reveals that the Swiss government have agreed to lend them their fortress 'Le Bastion', allowing the talks to continue. Ambrose and English dine together, informing Ambrose that he knows a mole is present in MI7. Ambrose prepares to gun down English until English reveals he does not know who the traitor is. Tucker confronts Ambrose in the bathroom stalls at gunpoint, claiming Ambrose is the mole, as he is shown pictured with Karlenko on his computer, until English orders him to leave. Ambrose convinces Johnny into believing that Patch Quartermain is the traitor. English, unaware that Simon is the mole, entrusts him with the key. Afterwards, Ambrose contacts Pegasus and tells her that Johnny English is the traitor.
English confronts Patch in a church, discovering that he has been framed and set up. Johnny escapes MI7's clutches on Patch's highly advanced wheelchair, equipped with retractable armrest-mounted pistols and high speed settings. Johnny goes to Kate's house and convinces her that he is not the traitor. Kate scrutinizes footage of the Mozambiqu mission and realizes that the behavior of Shambal's bodyguard seemed abnormal and out of place. They find out that Vortex is using a drug called timoxeline barbebutenol that allows people to be controlled for a brief time before they die of heart failure. Ambrose, the only surviving member of Vortex, plans to use the drug to kill the premier in exchange for 500 million USD.
Ambrose arrives at Kate's apartment to take her to the airport. After Simon leaves, English discovers that the killer cleaner is present in Kate's apartment. She attempts to kill him using a chainsaw built into her vacuum cleaner, but Johnny uses a garbage chute to escape.
English confronts Tucker in the latter's bedroom and convinces Tucker to embark with him on a new mission. English and Tucker attempt to sneak into a heavily-guarded fortress in the Swiss Alps, where the premier is to be assassinated. English inadvertently activates a distress beacon, (mistaking it for a rappel device) which alerts the armed guards to their presence. English has Tucker 'pretend' to attack him, with his subordinate faking his death with a pistol. English is put into a body-bag, and the two manage to gain access to the building. Tucker attacks the armed guards escorting them while English attempts to hop over to Pegasus's office. English finds Pegasus just before she attempts to drink the spiked drink in which the drug is present and convinces her Amrbose is the traitor. English, however, drinks it instead, rendering him vulnerable to Ambrose's commands. Pegasus is knocked unconscious by English, as ordered by Ambrose.
Ambrose orders English to kill the premier using a pistol disguised as a tube of lipstick. English attempts to resist the effects of the drug using his monastery teachings. Johnny engages in a relentless fight with himself while Tucker attempts to interrupt Ambrose's frequency used to communicate with English. English gets ready to kill the Chinese premier, before Tucker finally disrupts the frequency, replacing it with radio station which causes Johnny to dance to the music.
The effects of the drug wear off and English seemingly dies of heart failure. However, Johnny is revived by Kate, who kisses him on the lips, which causes his heart rate to escalate. Johnny attempts to chase after Simon, jumping off the building and using a parachute to safely descend to the snow. English hijacks a snow-mobile and chases after the MI7 traitor. Eventually, Johnny catches up to Simon, who is using a gondola lift. The two fight, with English using his teachings to endure several kicks to the groin. Johnny manages to eventually obtain Simon's pistol, yet falls off the car. Ambrose tries to shoot English, which culminates with English pulling out his supposedly bulletproof umbrella, but which actually shoots a rocket at the cable-car, killing Ambrose.
English is knighted, but, during the ceremony, he finds out that the Queen is the killer cleaner in disguise, and she tries to kill him yet again. He chases after her and violently hits her on the head with a tray, only to find out, when the guards bring the real killer inside, that he has attacked the real Queen. In the post-credits scene, English is seen making a takeaway for Kate Summers to the tune of "In the Hall of the Mountain King".
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